1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
