i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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