Duck Duck Cougar?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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