I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish they made helmets for livers.
nutella sex= disaster
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize