im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You made out with two different species that night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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