Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
