They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
