Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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