I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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