thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
