i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
