he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
