shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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