just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
