ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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