Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
