At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
