Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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