Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
