My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
