Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
