Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
