We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
