I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize