your room smells of hookers.
And success
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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