I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I didn't notice because vodka
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
