You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
