I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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