Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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