Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
