If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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