I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
