You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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