remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
