oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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