mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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