So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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