"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
