i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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