She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
