I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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