What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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