I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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