So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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