i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
