I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize