I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
