Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
