Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize