one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
