I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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