thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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