getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
