He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
