Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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