I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
