Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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