Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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