are you so shy because you have an std?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Terrible idea I love it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize