Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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