shes about as inviting as chlamydia
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you told grandpa to call you daddy
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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