We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
