I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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