my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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