Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
