I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
