so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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