shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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