Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
