I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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