I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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