i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
