So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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